Things I've Learnt

I’m Rhyana. Welcome.

I’m 22, Black, British (2nd Gen), and was born in London. I currently live in Wiltshire but have lived in Hertfordshire and had a brief affair with Cornwall for university, but I’m now back at college studying Hairdressing as a trade. Currently sporting Green hair, I’m size 5.5 in shoe, and 5’4” tall but have told I have “6-foot energy”. I sometimes pick fights with the wind if it’s stronger than me; not particularly useful information, but I thought it would be a funny mental image.

I identify as Polyamorous/Non-Monogamous (interchangeably), Pansexual, and I’m a Cis woman that positively responds to She, They or He. “What does this mean?”, I hear some people ask. So, a small breakdown:

Polyamorous – A form of Non-Monogamy. To reduce it down, this means being open to relationships with multiple people at once. We’ll be coming back to this frequently. Polyamory translates to “Many” in Greek and “Loves” in Latin.

Non-Monogamy – An umbrella term for “non-exclusive relationships between 2 individuals”. Monogamy is 2 people dating each other and nobody else. Non-Monogamy encompasses anything outside of that dynamic. There is Non-Monogamy that’s unhealthy but, yet again, another topic we’ll be coming back to.

Pansexual – A subjective label per person, but for me it means I am attracted to folks regardless of their gender. That’s not to say Bisexuals don’t feel the same. It’s personal and I only speak on my own behalf. Ever a fan of etymology, Pan means “All” in Greek.

Cis – An individual identifies as the same gender they were told from birth. I was told I was a female from birth and, through self-discovery, I’ve found that information to be true.

You with me now? I’m a woman who dates lots of people of any gender with complete transparency and communication. Let’s crack on. If you’ve made it to this point, you’ve made the cut.

“So, we now have some idea of who you are. Why are you doing this and what we should expect?”

I’m doing this because Dr Nadine Thornhill hosted an incredibly useful workshop called “So You Want to Be A Sexuality Educator?” and answered one of the main insecurities I had up until now: what do I have to say that’s important or unique compared to the oversaturation of the market? The (paraphrased) answer she gave? “Nobody has lived the same life as you, so your perspectives will always be original. There is no oversaturation of authentic experiences.” I decided that Non-Monogamy is something I know a lot about and have experienced, but it’s also something that will be an ongoing learning experience for me. With that, comes a learning curve that I’d like to help others learn from. I’d like for others to learn from me in an accessible way.

What should you expect? Well, not a lot. I’m not sure where I want this project to go. I have no formal qualifications in RSE (Relationship and Sexual Education). I’d love to eventually make this something I can use to help people and live on, but I also understand that this may not ever be the case. For now, that means that this writing format is currently for when I have something to say. That’s why I’m calling this “Things I’ve Learnt”: it’s space for my learnt experiences, constant self-evaluation, and to act as a place of encouraged reflection for both myself and readers. I hope for us all to grow and learn together

Final Question now: Have I made other content about these topics as a starter/taster?

Yes! I was chosen for a Polyamory “spotlight” as a guest by Millie on Instagram to talk about my experiences with an accompanying second post which was solely focused on resources, and Millie began to host a podcast with Kathryn called That Bloody Sex Podcast where we further discussed Polyamory on a surface level. I’ll be recapping some of it, but also diving a bit deeper.

The first post is inspired by tandem podcast episodes from That Bloody Sex Podcast and From Tops to Bottoms (hosted by Cassie and Sam). The episodes aptly titled “Thank You, Next: What We Learnt from Our Exes” and “Our Worst Breakups” allow the hosts of each show to talk about their Exes and what they’ve learnt. I’ve had experiences with 14 people in some sexual capacity but only have 3 Exes, so it’ll be a combination of both. I’ve also loved some people I had no sexual interaction to, so I’ll most likely include them too. I also plan on doing this again with some of my more memorable friendships later down the line. This will be anonymous so not only will I be changing names, but all major ages and locations will also be changed. This isn’t a roast and if you’re someone who can identify themselves in these stories and feels uncomfortable, just let me know. I’m happy to edit this for the comfort of others. But equally, I’m not sure many of you are present in my life for this to be an issue. If you got to this point, I’m impressed and hope you continue this journey with me.

For now,

Rhyana